lunch with friends at the Story Teller Cafe at the Grand Calfornia Hotel, Anaheim
Call the restaurant, ask questions. When are their busy times? Try to avoid that like the plague. After all, if the service is slow and the wait is terribly long, you’re setting your kid up for failure and you a migraine. Try to arrange seating, even if it means you have to wait longer. We always try for a corner booth—that way we can be on either end, and the kids have a little squirm room if they need it. At all costs, we avoid the table smack dab in the center of the room. For our kids, that’s a certifiable nightmare.
Try for kid-frequented restaurants. You’re going to get farther starting with a Denny’s or IHop than you will with the local 4-star steakhouse. For some, Chuck E Cheese is possible, or something like the Rainforest Café, where every kid gets up to check out the aquarium fish, meaning your kid will have a distraction that’s typical. Honestly, bringing stuff like crayons and books didn’t do us any good until a few months ago. It may work for you, however, so give it a try. The iPhone has also been a wonderful gift, at least with Alex, or handheld video games as a last resort. Obviously, you don’t want your kid dependent on something like that—they are supposed to learn how to function in the restaurant, not tune out. If they can handle that overstimulation, the rest is easier from there.
Make reservations ahead of time. There are some restaurants that don’t take reservations anymore, which is lame, we know. However, if you call ahead and explain the situation, the manager may sometimes allow you to put your name in before you arrive. Not every manager is going to be nice or accommodating. It’s up to you if you want to push it or not. Do not be rude—just explain that your kid needs specific seating so as not to be a distraction to other diners. Although we hate to tell you this, yes, sometimes, you will have to get forceful in a restaurant when the management is being difficult. Unfortunately, sometimes people will not help you unless you raise your voice in public when it makes them look bad. Please, please, please, use this as a last resort. Don’t assume the restaurant staff is going to be jerks. Autism is a lot more common now, so chances are they’re more familiar with it than people used to be. They may know exactly what you’re talking about, so give them the benefit of the doubt there. More often than not, when we talk to people, if they don’t have a child with autism, they either have a niece, nephew, or a neighbor that does.
Check out the menu before going, if possible, or when we’re waiting. A lot of restaurants have their menus online, so if you can, know before you go.
Let the person seating us know that we would like to order for the kids as quickly as possible.When the server arrives, we tell them the kids’ orders and ask that they put it in immediately and not wait for us. It allows the kids less time to panic and gives them an appropriate distraction. However, don’t take too long to order your own meal, or order something that takes extra time to prepare, because you may end up having to just have it boxed and take it home to eat. This is not the time for the fajitas or a special order on your part. Do that when you are without the kids.Do it in small steps. You don’t have to go out for a four-course meal. You can take them for just ice cream or other dessert, to both shorten the time and give them the practice. Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t go well at first, or if you have to keep at it. We did. There have been several times when we have not been able to eat ourselves because the kids didn’t last. We have eaten our dinner out of the take-out carton more than once. It’s all right. As they get accustomed to it, it will improve. We can go out for a family dinner with all three kids now, without additional support. Not every time, but it’s now possible when it wasn’t before. That’s a pretty big deal.
Kennedy has gotten to the point where she negotiates for the restaurant as her “treat” for a job well done.
Brilliance for free; your parents must be a sweetheart and a certified gnieus.